If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
ADAM CAROLLAOprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they’d be off TV. They’re not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we’d know who she was?
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There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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There are certain things women are better at than men.
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Maybe it’s weird, but I don’t feel in any way, shape or form that I’m taking over his show.
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