What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
ADAM CAROLLAWhoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.
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He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
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I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera – sort of low-key. I don’t like being on camera stuff that much.
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When you do television, there’s more to do, and when you do new television, there’s a lot more to do, especially when you don’t have partner. I miss not having that person.
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I swear my car won’t run unless I’m picking my nose: At least, I’m that superstitious about it, so I don’t want to take any chances.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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Screw guilt — I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn’t bother me. I’m an atheist!
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
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When you’re doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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I don’t know anything about computers.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
ADAM CAROLLA