Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
ADAM CAROLLALife is just the time between crapping yourself.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that’s out of this world. I’ll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn’t have to be between Thai and Mexican every night.
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It’s a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
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I’m like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
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And the mirror ball doesn’t care what color you are, and it doesn’t care how rich your parents are, and it doesn’t care what God you pray to
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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I’d never hurt another person.
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As I said in my last book, birds are mean. They’re the only pet that, when they escape, the owners are relieved. You can tell a species is evil by doing this simple math.
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
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It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
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The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
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