“The serve was invented so that the net could play.”

I brought you in this world, and I can take you out!

When you carry a gun, you mean to harm somebody, kill somebody.

When you graduate from college, they tell you to follow your dreams. Does anyone say you have to wake up first?

You can never give complete authority and overall power to anyone until trust can be proven.

Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you’re pouring, or drinking.

Advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.

If you know what you want, you will recognize it when you see it.

As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by survival of the fittest.

I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I often try to tell kids to think about all the people who love you, don’t cry over the one person who doesn’t.

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.

They invented hugs to let people know you love them without saying anything.

The credulity of dupes is as inexhaustible as the invention of knaves.

Finally, strategy must have continuity. It can’t be constantly reinvented.

Belgium is a country invented by the British to annoy the French.

Despite a full century of scientific insights attesting to the antiquity of the earth, more than half of our neighbors believe that the entire cosmos was created six thousand years ago. This is, incidentally, about a thousand years after the Sumerians invented glue.

You are designed to reinvent and re-create yourself, over and over again. And, you are here-whether you want to acknowledge it or not; whether you even know it or not-for the evolution of your own soul.

You can reinvent yourself as many times as it takes to feel at home inside.

MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.