“I’m supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty, I told her. Without a moment’s hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: It depends on if you’re drinking or pouring.”

And so the dentist says ‘Rinse.’ So you lean over, and you’re lookin’ at this miniature toilet bowl.

The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.

And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl there’s a little voice that say, ‘I wonder where he would go if it hadn’t been for his head.

Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.

I’m not the boss of my house. I don’t know how I lost it, I don’t know when I lost it, I don’t really think I ever had it. But I’ve seen the boss’s job and I don’t want it!

Intellectuals are people who go to study things other people do naturally.

All parents experience the same problems.

It is a point of pride for the American male to keep the same size jockey shorts for his entire life.

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

I brought you in this world, and I can take you out!

When you carry a gun, you mean to harm somebody, kill somebody.

When you graduate from college, they tell you to follow your dreams. Does anyone say you have to wake up first?

You can never give complete authority and overall power to anyone until trust can be proven.

Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you’re pouring, or drinking.

Advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.

The darkest moments of our lives are not to be buried and forgotten, rather they are a memory to be called upon for inspiration to remind us of the unrelenting human spirit and our capacity to overcome the intolerable.

When we help ourselves, we find moments of happiness. When we help others, we find lasting fulfillment.

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Try not to react merely in the moment. Pull back from the situation. Take a wider view. Compose yourself.

This is a modern fairytale. No happy endings. No wind in our sails. But I can’t imagine a life without. Breathless moments.

There are as many forms of love as there are moments in time.

You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.

Your own positive future begins in this moment. All you have is right now. Every goal is possible from here.