“The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.”

There’s another advantage to being poor – a doctor will cure you faster.

Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee much later than others.

A sadder but wiser man is a thousand times more agreeable to meet than the feller that never makes a mistake.

My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.

The hardest thing is writing a recommendation for someone we know.

A never-failing way to get rid of a fellow is to tell him something for his own good.

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy.

When some folks agree with my opinions I begin to suspect I’m wrong.

If there’s anything a public servant hates to do it’s something for the public.

There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose.

It ain’t a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you’re talking about.

It’s what a fellow thinks he knows that hurts him.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

Nothing dispels enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

Life doesn’t move in a linear fashion. Life makes lefts and rights, and it doubles back.

What makes friendship indissolute and what doubles its charms is a feeling we find lacking in love: I mean certitude.

Troubles forereckoned are doubly suffered.

Her name is Wanda, not it. You will not touch her. Any mark you leave on her, I will double on your worthless hide.

Never neglect details. When everyone’s mind is dulled or distracted the leader must be doubly vigilant.

Gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses.

Personally, I rather think that if you’re not creative you’ve got a problem on your hands. If you are creative you’ve got a double problem.