“A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.”

There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, an’ it keeps on laughin’.

An optimist is a fellow who believes what’s going to be will be postponed

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.

Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he’s overcharging you.

Flattery won’t hurt you if you don’t swallow it.

One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.

It’s going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it.

“Why doesn’t the fellow who says, “I’m no speechmaker,” let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration? “

The worst waste of breath, next to playing a saxophone, is advising a son

University: … a place where rich men send their sons who have no aptitude for business.

One of the commonest ailments of the present day is the premature formation of opinion.

I never saw an athletic girl that thought she was strong enough to do indoor work.

A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they’re married.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

The memories which lie within us are not carved in stone; not only do they tend to become erased as the years go by, but often they change, or even increase by incorporating extraneous features.

The future is carved out of the present moment. Tomorrow’s harvest depends upon today’s ploughing and sowing.

In the school and in the State for the good of the people; to carve as it were into the conscience of the nation the ordinances of the Lord

With your hands carve out your own destiny.

Into the soft sand I will carve your name and let the ocean steal what little remains.

His love held the scent of lavenders, as i carved them into poetry.

I want to carve my insides out with a rusty spoon. It would be less painful.

A man is worked upon by what he works on. He may carve out his circumstances, but his circumstances will carve him out as well.