“There is plenty of peace in any home where the family doesn’t make the mistake of trying to get together.”

Only one fellow in ten thousand understands the currency question, and we meet him every day.

We’d all like to vote for the best man but he’s never a candidate.

Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it’s by applause.

A friend that ain’t in need is a friend indeed.

I’m sorry to inform you that your 50 year warranty has expired on your back, knees, and memory.

Lots of fellows think a home is only good to borrow money on.

Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.

Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn’t be so bad if they thought.

No matter how much strong black coffee we drink, almost any after- dinner speech will counteract it.

As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God’s path, give them, then, the tidings of a painful agony.

Don’t a fellow feel good after he gets out of a store where he nearly bought something.

Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.

Look out for the people who allow you to do all the talking.

Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

The longer it takes you to select a cantaloupe, the worse it is!

There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?

Hate gets going, it goes round, it gets older and tighter and older and tighter, until it holds a person inside it like a fist holds a stick.

I get up every morning determined to both change the world and to have one hell of a good time. Sometimes, this makes planning the day difficult.

It’s a dangerous thing when someone gets up in the morning and has nothing to eat.

You want to keep improving yourselves and getting better at what you do.

Hip-hop is making a lot of noise. It should get some more spotlight.

Don’t a fellow feel good after he gets out of a store where he nearly bought something.

Getting something and having the wits to use it…those are two different things.

When we worry we are saying, ‘I know the way my life is supposed to go, and God’s not getting it right’.