“Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, an’ it keeps on laughin’.”

Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.

If you haven’t seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven’t seen her smile her prettiest.

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Ther’s still a few honest folks left but they never seem t’ find anything you lose.

Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do.

Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.

There is plenty of peace in any home where the family doesn’t make the mistake of trying to get together.

Washing your car and polishing it all up is a never failing sign of rain.

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has traveled is the worst.

Don’t knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

There’s another advantage to being poor – a doctor will cure you faster.

Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee much later than others.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.

Keep in mind, I’m not allowed to be tough. I’m tamed.

Keeping a journal implies hope.

If the Republican Party stands for individual liberty, if we defend the Bill of Rights, if we stand for keeping this country safe, then we deserve to win, and if we don’t, we deserve to lose. It shouldn’t be – it’s not just a game of blue team/red team. It is actually about making a difference in people’s lives.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

Do all women have to keep silent for men to speak? Do all women have to be legless for men to walk?

It’s no good trying to keep up old friendships. It’s painful for both sides. The fact is, one grows out of people, and the only thing is to face it.

We lost the American colonies because we lacked the statesmanship to know the right time and the manner of yielding what is impossible to keep.