“A never-failing way to get rid of a fellow is to tell him something for his own good.”

A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they’re married.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.

When some fellers decide to retire nobody knows the difference.

Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.

If you haven’t seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven’t seen her smile her prettiest.

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Ther’s still a few honest folks left but they never seem t’ find anything you lose.

Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do.

Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.

There is plenty of peace in any home where the family doesn’t make the mistake of trying to get together.

Washing your car and polishing it all up is a never failing sign of rain.

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has traveled is the worst.

Sectarian politics gets votes in Iraq. But sectarian government fails in Iraq.

When all else fails, read the instructions.

I think ought to have more and correct some of the matters fate fails to take care of.

Love does not fail for you when you are rejected

Because we all fail – and I’m ready, I’ll take up carpentry.

I’m waiting for the time when I fail

In the spirit of science, there really is no such thing as a ‘failed experiment.’ Any test that yields valid data is a valid test.

If all else fails, you can always be a pro.