“Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.”

A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they’re married.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

When some fellers decide to retire nobody knows the difference.

Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.

If you haven’t seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven’t seen her smile her prettiest.

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Ther’s still a few honest folks left but they never seem t’ find anything you lose.

Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do.

Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.

There is plenty of peace in any home where the family doesn’t make the mistake of trying to get together.

Washing your car and polishing it all up is a never failing sign of rain.

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has traveled is the worst.

Don’t knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while.

I go out there and get my eyes gouged, my nose busted, my body slammed. I love the pain of the game.

You going to traipse all around like you haves to find something lost. You going to work yourself up with excitement. Your heart going to beat hard enough to kill you because you don’t love and don’t have peace. And then some day you going to bust loose and be ruined.

As ever admit it; and I do believe that if we busted out and admitted it sometimes, instead of being nice and patient and loyal for sixty years, and then nice and patient and dead for the rest of eternity, why, maybe, possibly, we might make life more fun.