“The worst waste of breath, next to playing a saxophone, is advising a son”

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

University: … a place where rich men send their sons who have no aptitude for business.

One of the commonest ailments of the present day is the premature formation of opinion.

I never saw an athletic girl that thought she was strong enough to do indoor work.

A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they’re married.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.

When some fellers decide to retire nobody knows the difference.

Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.

If you haven’t seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven’t seen her smile her prettiest.

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Ther’s still a few honest folks left but they never seem t’ find anything you lose.

Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do.

I’m taking a vow not to advise.

When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.

The West would be well advised to change its approach towards failing states. At present, no major power can find the correct ways and means – and the numbers of failing states are increasing.

Law without penalty is only advise.

They first condemn that first advised the ill.

Never advise anyone to go to war or to get married.

Your career, interests and relationships are important, but they are only important insofar as they lead you toward a deeper understanding of yourself. Otherwise, they are irrelevant.

Anyone who is concerned about his dignity would be well advised to keep away from horses.