“Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.”

Washing your car and polishing it all up is a never failing sign of rain.

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has traveled is the worst.

Don’t knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

There’s another advantage to being poor – a doctor will cure you faster.

Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee much later than others.

A sadder but wiser man is a thousand times more agreeable to meet than the feller that never makes a mistake.

My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.

The hardest thing is writing a recommendation for someone we know.

A never-failing way to get rid of a fellow is to tell him something for his own good.

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy.

When some folks agree with my opinions I begin to suspect I’m wrong.

If there’s anything a public servant hates to do it’s something for the public.

There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose.

It ain’t a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you’re talking about.

It’s what a fellow thinks he knows that hurts him.

Look, I’m a conservative, I’m a very conservative guy, and – and the Trump campaign is making your job over at NBC really, really, really easy in terms of going after conservatives and Republicans if he’s the standard bearer for conservatism.

The Conservative knows that to regard man as part of an undifferentiated mass is to consign him to ultimate slavery.

Essentially, the obligation of conservative media is to question what’s going on, and say, “Is this something that is the right thing to do? Is it something that’s constitutional? Is it something that is even wise to do?” I think that’s true regardless of who’s in power.

To insist on strength … is not war-mongering. It is peace-mongering.

[Criticizing as “appalingly complacent” a Conservative Government report that by the ’60s, Britain would be producing all the scientists needed] Of course we shall.

Whether the flavour of economic advice you like is conservative or liberal, you will find that flavour available from some ‘reputable’ economist, since there is no single standard to which all ‘reputable’ economists must repair.

It was very painful combing my hair. My grand-uncle was a Pentecostal bishop, and he was very strict: our hair couldn’t be permed or straightened. So I just cut it all off.

Every candidate is going to come to you and say they are the most conservative person that ever lived.