“There’s another advantage to being poor – a doctor will cure you faster.”

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

Nothing dispels enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

Some people are so sensitive that they feel snubbed if an epidemic overlooks them.

Some folks pay a compliment like they went down in their pocket for it.

Every father expects his boy to do the things he wouldn’t do when he was young.

The election is not very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street.

When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it’s a wonder there isn’t more of it done

Litigation: A form of hell whereby money is transferred from the pockets of the proletariat to that of lawyers.

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

Executive: a man who makes quick decisions and is sometimes right.

Bargain… anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

On a day when these things shall be heated in hell-fire, and their foreheads, and their sides, and their backs shall be branded therewith.

One of the commonest mistakes is thinking your worries are over when your children get married.

There’s no limit to how complicated things can get, on account of one thing always leading to another.

You get another person who operates only in an African language and there are many persons who operate only in African languages; he or she is excluded from all the goodies that come with English.

To accuse another of having weak kidneys, lungs, or heart, is not a crime; on the contrary, saying he has a weak brain is a crime.

I recognize that I am made up of several persons and that the person that at the moment has the upper hand will inevitably give place to another. But which is the real one? All of them or none?

The soul is not the body and it may be in one body or in another, and pass from body to body.

Death anxiety is the mother of all religions, which, in one way or another, attempt to temper the anguish of our finitude.

When I get sick of what men do, I have only to walk a few steps in another direction to see what spiders do. Or what the weather does. This sustains me very well indeed.

I never think that there’s something I can’t do, whether it’s beating my opponent one on one or practicing another hour because something about my game is just not right.