“Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee much later than others.”

There is no failure except in no longer trying.

Everything comes to him who waits, except a loaned book.

Very often the quiet fellow has said all he knows

Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home.

Many a family tree needs trimming

Intelligent people are always on the unpopular side of anything.

Nobuddy ever listened t’ reason on a empty stomach.

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

In order to live off a garden, you practically have to live in it.

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

When a woman says, ‘I don’t wish to mention any names’, it means it ain’t necessary to mention any names.

There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, an’ it keeps on laughin’.

An optimist is a fellow who believes what’s going to be will be postponed

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.

Once I saw a chimpanzee gaze at a particularly beautiful sunset for a full 15 minutes.