“Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.”

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

Luckily your lifetime warranty on your heart is still in effect. Of course, that becomes void and expires when you do.

There is plenty of peace in any home where the family doesn’t make the mistake of trying to get together.

Washing your car and polishing it all up is a never failing sign of rain.

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has traveled is the worst.

Don’t knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

There’s another advantage to being poor – a doctor will cure you faster.

Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee much later than others.

A sadder but wiser man is a thousand times more agreeable to meet than the feller that never makes a mistake.

My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.

The hardest thing is writing a recommendation for someone we know.

A never-failing way to get rid of a fellow is to tell him something for his own good.

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy.

When some folks agree with my opinions I begin to suspect I’m wrong.

If there’s anything a public servant hates to do it’s something for the public.

We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

At some point, if you’re changing a really deep-seated behavior, you’re going to have a moment of weakness.

Boys are beyond the range of anybody’s sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.

Clouds never get tired of giving rain to us; and you, you must never get tired of giving your love! Valentine’s Day is a day to remember to give more, to love more, it is a day to behave like a heavy rain!

Folk whose own behavior is most ridiculous are always to the fore in slandering others.

A novice always behaves with propriety.

We may think that we have stored things to suit our behavior, but usually we have unconsciously adjusted our actions to match where things are stored.

The cat does not offer services. The cat offers itself.