“The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.”

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.

Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he’s overcharging you.

Flattery won’t hurt you if you don’t swallow it.

One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.

It’s going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it.

“Why doesn’t the fellow who says, “I’m no speechmaker,” let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration? “

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

The worst waste of breath, next to playing a saxophone, is advising a son

University: … a place where rich men send their sons who have no aptitude for business.

One of the commonest ailments of the present day is the premature formation of opinion.

I never saw an athletic girl that thought she was strong enough to do indoor work.

A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they’re married.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.

When some fellers decide to retire nobody knows the difference.

Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.

If you can’t describe what you are doing as a process, you don’t know what you’re doing.

Before a man can bind the enemy, he must know there is nothing binding him.

That one can love another of the same gender, that is what the homophobe really cannot stand.

Creating something I can use is the best stress reliever.

Ain’t no man can avoid being born average, but there ain’t no man got to be common.

It will not be an activity in which all people can participate.

Vision without power does bring moral elevation but cannot give a lasting culture.

Actually, only God can satisfy a Christian’s heart; man cannot.