“Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.”

Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else.

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

If voting made any difference they wouldn’t let us do it.

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.

Loyalty to country always. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man’s.

You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

I haven’t any right to criticize books, and I don’t do it except when I hate them.

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant, and this white waitress came up to me and said: ‘We don’t serve colored people here.’ I said: ‘that’s all right, I don’t eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken.

I never eat before breakfast.

Just tryna eat pasta and mind my business.

Sugar makes me feel crazy – like, makes my body hurt kind of a thing. I don’t really eat fruit because it has a lot of sugar. I try not to eat a lot of red meat, but every now and again, I feel like I need iron or something – something that I’m missing.

I’m a huge fan of hot Cheetos. I used to eat them for breakfast.

I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

My mom didn’t let me eat sugar or candy until I was older.

I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish.