I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!
MARK TWAINPatriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it.
More Mark Twain Quotes
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The secret to getting ahead is getting started.
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Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
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It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
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If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re mis-informed.
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Classic – a book which people praise and don’t read.
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It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.
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It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt.
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Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.
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I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
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When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
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It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
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If voting made any difference they wouldn’t let us do it.
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When angry, count four. When very angry, swear.
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Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
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If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
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It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.
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The easy confidence with which I know another man’s religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
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History doesn’t repeat itself, but it does rhyme.
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The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.
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The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.
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What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
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In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in all the books through your skin, without even opening them.
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Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.
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I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
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If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be – a Christian.
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Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
MARK TWAIN