“I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!”

Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.

The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

There’s one way to find out if a man is honest: ask him; if he says yes, you know he’s crooked.

My books are water; those of the great geniuses is wine. Everybody drinks water.

Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else.

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

If voting made any difference they wouldn’t let us do it.

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.

Loyalty to country always. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision.

Don’t try to make intelligent decisions when your brain is hyped.

It’s up to all of us to decide the future we want to live in.

It’s up to all of us to decide the future we want to live in.

I knew you’d decide to be all right again.

Making a decision to write was a lot like deciding to jump into a frozen lake.

We get to decide what the future of this country looks like. We get to choose hope.

The angels decided to shine on me for a little while.