“You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.”

A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.

It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.

If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be – a Christian.

I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.

It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt.

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.

The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.

Out of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.