“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.”

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else.

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

If voting made any difference they wouldn’t let us do it.

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.

Loyalty to country always. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man’s.

You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

I haven’t any right to criticize books, and I don’t do it except when I hate them.

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.

Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.