“When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.”

The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.

It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.

If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be – a Christian.

I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.

It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt.

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.

The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.

Out of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

A man never knows exactly how the child of his brain will strike other people.

I’ve started doing yoga and meditation, but I’m not very good at that kind of thing and turning my brain off.

The brain process that results in a joke materializing where no joke was before remains a mystery. I’m not aware of any scholarly, scientific or neurological studies on the subject.

Liberty is the most jealous and exacting mistress that can beguile the brain and soul of man.

The way that we tried to approach every piece of music is, if the song had a brain, it would be aware of its catalog.

There’s not an idea in our heads that has not been worn shiny by someone else’s brains.

I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow.

If this humor be the safety of our race, then it is due largely to the infusion into the American people of the Irish brain.