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When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

Andy Rooney

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
ANDY ROONEY

Average Dog Nice Person
We’re all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness.
ANDY ROONEY

Desire Fear Lonely Privacy
Once you pass forty, a dime isn’t worth bending over to pick up if you drop one.
ANDY ROONEY

Drop Oneself Worth
All economists should be locked up until they admit that they don’t know what they’re talking about.
ANDY ROONEY

Admit Economist Talk
It’s paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.
ANDY ROONEY

Age Ideas Irony Life Live Old
When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.
ANDY ROONEY

Age Fresh Myself Wait
I’ve learned, That life is tough, but I’m tougher.
ANDY ROONEY

Learning Life Myself Tough
I’ve learned, That when you’re in love, it shows.
ANDY ROONEY

Learning Love Show Yourself
I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you.
ANDY ROONEY

Luck Old Purpose Yourself
I’ve learned That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
ANDY ROONEY

Asleep Children Fall Feeling Learning Myself Peace World
Women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
ANDY ROONEY

Buy Food Realization Woman Worth
Don’t rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
ANDY ROONEY

Hands Head Rule World Yourself
A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “What are you thinking?”. She doesn’t care what you think.
ANDY ROONEY

Care Herself Thinking Wake Up Woman
I don’t like food that’s too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I’d buy a painting.
ANDY ROONEY

Arrangement Care Food Myself Paint Photograph Time
I’ve learned, That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
ANDY ROONEY

Eat Learning Myself Word
I’d like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off.
ANDY ROONEY

Enough Funny Letter Money Myself Rich
Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
ANDY ROONEY

Drive Game Kill Thinking Yourself
Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
ANDY ROONEY

Animal Forget Grandparents
My most serious character flaw is that I don’t deny myself much.
ANDY ROONEY

Character Flaw Myself Serious
I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that’s why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.
ANDY ROONEY

Business Computer Myself Writing
Being kind is more important than being right.
ANDY ROONEY

Important Kind Right
If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.
ANDY ROONEY

Date Deserve Internet Meet Murder Yourself
Never trust the food in a restaurant on top of the tallest building in town that spends a lot of time folding napkins.
ANDY ROONEY

Fold Food Restaurant Time Trust
The great virtue of being alone is that your mind can go its own way.
ANDY ROONEY

Greatness Mindset Virtue Way
I’ve learned, That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
ANDY ROONEY

Growth Learning Myself Person Smart
Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn’t have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.
ANDY ROONEY

Goodness Ideas Ourselves Prison Religious
Those of us who don’t have a party affiliation ought to be able to register under the heading “Confused.
ANDY ROONEY

Confusion Heading Party Register

When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

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When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

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Popular Authors

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