“A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “What are you thinking?”. She doesn’t care what you think.”

You can’t be a good writer without being a good thinker.

Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.

A great many people do not have the right to their own opinion because they don’t know what they are talking about.

Don’t keep saying, “I don’t know where the time goes.” It goes the same place it’s always gone and no one has ever known where that is.

Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes – that’s what I’m here for.

It would be a better world if everyone in it knew all the truth about everything.

Don’t you hate it when, your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

If I’d known how many problems I was going to run into before I finished, I can’t remember a single project I would have started.

Vegetarian – that’s an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.

Nothing in fine print is ever good news.

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.

Most of us believe everyone has a right to his own opinion – as long as it agrees with ours.

Don’t take a butcher’s advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he’d be a chef.

You can’t be sensitive, because you’re going to get criticized. I don’t care who you are, you’re going to get criticized.

Science is the most reliable guide for civilization, for life, for success in the world. Searching a guide other than the science is meaning carelessness, ignorance and heresy.

I’ve still got both kidneys, but one doesn’t work, so I have to be careful not to drink too much, even water, and I have to keep myself as healthy as possible.

If I have experienced something in my life, it’s probably going to be written about, and I don’t particularly care if the person I’m writing about wants to be written about.

I’m the most carefree, happy person you’ll meet.

People think that young people don’t care about things, but I think they do care; they just aren’t super interested in conforming to what older people think are the right way to do things.

Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?

I wonder what it would be like if I took care of my body as well as I take care of your memory.