“Women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!”

Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?

The best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

Anyone should be very suspicious of a sentence he’s written that can’t be read aloud easily.

I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you.

I’ve learned, That money doesn’t buy class.

A cat’s idea of a ‘good time’ is to kill something.

I’ve learned, That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I’ve learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

Once you pass forty, a dime isn’t worth bending over to pick up if you drop one.

All of us talk faster than we listen.

My most serious character flaw is that I don’t deny myself much.

I’ve learned that under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

I’m always on the lookout for something good about people. Often months go by.

Don’t rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.

Money buys you the freedom to live your life the way you want.

Don’t gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don’t go up, don’t buy it.

Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like.

It is hard to contend against one’s heart’s desire; for whatever it wishes to have it buys at the cost of soul.

Say yes to everything. ‘You want me to buy you some food?’ Yes. ‘You want me to buy you a car?’ Yes.

To every door that closed on me: I am coming back to buy the building.

Great art is horseshit, buy tacos.

I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.