One of the sweetest things in life: a letter from a friend.
ANDY ROONEYNever trust the food in a restaurant on top of the tallest building in town that spends a lot of time folding napkins.
More Andy Rooney Quotes
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You can’t be a good writer without being a good thinker.
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If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
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Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.
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Don’t you hate it when, your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?
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We’re all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness.
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The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!
ANDY ROONEY -
Women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
ANDY ROONEY -
Conservatives are more religious than liberals–although there is no evidence that they’re nicer people because of it.
ANDY ROONEY -
Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
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It would be a better world if everyone in it knew all the truth about everything.
ANDY ROONEY -
Vegetarian – that’s an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
ANDY ROONEY -
I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you.
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A great many people do not have the right to their own opinion because they don’t know what they are talking about.
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I’ve learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
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I’ve learned that we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.
ANDY ROONEY -
It isn’t working that’s so hard, it’s getting ready to work.
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I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
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I’ve learned, That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
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Don’t take a butcher’s advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he’d be a chef.
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Don’t keep saying, “I don’t know where the time goes.” It goes the same place it’s always gone and no one has ever known where that is.
ANDY ROONEY -
Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.
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I’ve learned. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you more.
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Anyone should be very suspicious of a sentence he’s written that can’t be read aloud easily.
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Sooner or later the world will have to return to the good old days when we fought wars and killed people the old-fashioned way, one at a time.
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I’ve learned that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
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The third rule of life is this: Everything you buy today is smaller, more expensive, and not as good as it was yesterday.
ANDY ROONEY