I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
GEORGE CARLINI think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
GEORGE CARLINHave you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
GEORGE CARLINThink of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
GEORGE CARLINIf a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
GEORGE CARLINAge is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
GEORGE CARLINI have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
GEORGE CARLINI had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
GEORGE CARLINWe are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
GEORGE CARLINConservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
GEORGE CARLINA good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
GEORGE CARLINIf a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
GEORGE CARLINIf you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
GEORGE CARLINMen are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
GEORGE CARLINNot only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
GEORGE CARLINWith the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
GEORGE CARLINSometimes a little brain damage can help.
GEORGE CARLIN