The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
GEORGE CARLINSome people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
More George Carlin Quotes
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
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Meow means woof in cat.
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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
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A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
GEORGE CARLIN







