“We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.”

She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.

I must admit, I was born at an early age.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Do you mind if I don’t smoke?

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.

A man is only as old as the woman he feels.

The only real laughter comes from despair.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Those that are drunk in love, shall forever talk to the moon.

Let’s call an Uber, I don’t think either of us is in any condition to drive. You a little drunk off me and me just totally intoxicated from you.

The night is to get drunk listening to adventure.

I am addicted to your madness drunk on your toxic love. Infect me with your poison, lets make storms rage above.

I’m in no condition to drive, wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk!

You smell so close when I am drunk in love.

Someone needs to take my phone when i’m drunk because I am a fucking idiot.

Sometimes you just have to pee in the sink.