I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARXWe left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
GROUCHO MARX -
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX -
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX -
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX -
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX -
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX






