Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
GEORGE CARLINThe only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
More George Carlin Quotes
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
GEORGE CARLIN -
With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
GEORGE CARLIN -
A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
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Meow means woof in cat.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
GEORGE CARLIN