Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
GEORGE CARLINThe only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
More George Carlin Quotes
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
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Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
GEORGE CARLIN