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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Control Death Game Yourself
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Buy Fame Friendship Herself Popular Toy
$Steven Wright Quote - Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.$

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Mathematics People Trouble
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Funny Literature Word
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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Difference Ideas Person Research Steal
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
STEVEN WRIGHT

Abandonment Book Build Funny Myself Ocean Yourself
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Conscience Funny Sleep Time
Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Animal Flavor Food Funny
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Bad Conscience Memories
Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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Mathematics Pronunciation Sound
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Listening Mistake Yourself
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Flight Leaving One Liner Yourself
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Darkness Device Myself
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
STEVEN WRIGHT

Believe Funny Myself Police Reading See Stop Time
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Crime Man Office Photograph Writing
Half the people you know are below average.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Average Level People Yourself
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Bacteria Culture People
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Discipline Funny Himself Person Time
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Appearance Different Fingers Hands
I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHT

Angry Install Light Live Myself People
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Memories Myself Past Thinking
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Forget Myself Right Thinking Time
You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Act Attitude Head Herself Live Scare Yourself
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Animal Evolution Monkey Science
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Mad Music Myself Night Play
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Car Funny Yourself
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Advice Bird Deep Funny Patience Worm

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