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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!

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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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Forget Myself Right Thinking Time
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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Memories Myself Past Thinking
Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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Devil Evil Fantasy Funny Taste True

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