If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Half the people you know are below average.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
STEVEN WRIGHT