“If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?”

Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.

You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.

Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.

Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?

I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?

It’s far better to buy a wonderful company at a fair price, than a fair company at a wonderful price.

When art critics get together they talk about Form and Structure and Meaning. When artists get together they talk about where you can buy cheap turpentine.

The one thing a person wants most in life is usually something basic that money can’t buy.

Money doesn’t buy you happiness, but it buys you a big enough yacht to sail right up to it.

If you buy things you do not need, soon you will have to sell things you need.

It’s nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don’t want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it’s a little like saving sex for your old age.

I am not really single, I am dating my self , I take my self out to eat, I buy myself clothes, I love me, I’m awesome.

Buy a stock the way you would buy a house. Understand and like it such that you’d be content to own it in the absence of any market.