Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
STEVEN WRIGHTI wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT