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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Angry Depression Enthusiasm One Liner Perspective Sick
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Experience Need Yourself
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Memories Myself Past Thinking
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Animal Funny Herself Laughter Milk
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Alcohol Myself Photograph Thinking Woman
My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Attention Believe Himself Myself Sick
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Eyes Myself Prescription Ran Walk
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Deep Funny Live Nature Ocean
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Mad Music Myself Night Play
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Day Life Yourself
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Forget Funny Myself
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Animal Evolution Monkey Science
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Darkness Device Myself
Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Mathematics Pronunciation Sound
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
STEVEN WRIGHT

Believe Funny Myself Police Reading See Stop Time
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Advice Bird Deep Funny Patience Worm
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Literature Word
Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Bill Country Freedom Funny Phone Talk
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Buy Fame Friendship Herself Popular Toy
Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Remember Self Love Unique Worth Yourself
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Believe Funny Himself Man Stars Touch
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Destroy Evidence Success Try Yourself
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Memories Photograph Yourself
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Alphabet Order Song
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Appearance Different Fingers Hands
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
STEVEN WRIGHT

Abandonment Book Build Funny Myself Ocean Yourself
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Distance Time Walk Yourself

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