“I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.”

I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?

I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.

Do not elect people who do not have God and Love in their hearts.

In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west; people create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true.

People who make you laugh, who help you when you’re in need. People who genuinely care. They are the ones worth keeping in your life. Everyone else is just passing through.

Sensible people have got to work together.

The only way we’ll get freedom for ourselves is to identify ourselves with every oppressed people in the world.

I don’t want to have lived in vain like most people. I want to be useful or bring enjoyment to all people, even those I’ve never met. I want to go on living even after my death!

I love reading people. I really enjoy watching, observing, and being able to figure out a person, the reason they wore that dress, the reason they smell the way they do.

97% of the people who quit too soon are employed by the 3% who never gave up.