Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
STEVEN WRIGHTI like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
STEVEN WRIGHT