I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
STEVEN WRIGHT
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
STEVEN WRIGHT