Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
STEVEN WRIGHTThe older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
STEVEN WRIGHT