If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
STEVEN WRIGHT
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Clones are people two.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Half the people you know are below average.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
STEVEN WRIGHT