I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHT
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
STEVEN WRIGHT -
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
STEVEN WRIGHT