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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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$Steven Wright Quote - Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.$

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?
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