Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
STEVEN WRIGHTTo steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
STEVEN WRIGHT