I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHTTo steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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Clones are people two.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
STEVEN WRIGHT