black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Steven Wright

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Difference Ideas Person Research Steal
I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Animal Dog Himself Myself Return
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Fight Funny Gift Myself Room
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Day Life Yourself
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Identity Person Play Race
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Mad Music Myself Night Play
I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Addiction Difference Myself Quit
My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Children Friendship Himself
The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Bed Funny Hell Home Myself Nature Night Stars Wonder
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Bad Conscience Memories
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Country Funny Nation People
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Kill Learning Love Myself Time
Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Control Death Game Yourself
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Distance Time Walk Yourself
I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Book Funny Myself Writing
I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Myself People
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Goodness Myself Oneself Worth
Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Animal Flavor Food Funny
You know when you’re sitting on a chair and you lean back so you’re just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Fall Feeling Myself Sit Time
My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Attention Believe Himself Myself Sick
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Coffee Myself Time
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Appointment Dental Eat Herself Time Visit Wait
I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Herself Myself Night Time Walk
In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
STEVEN WRIGHT

Call Herself Home Light Myself Phone Woman
$Steven Wright Quote - Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.$

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Mathematics People Trouble
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Buy Fame Friendship Herself Popular Toy
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
STEVEN WRIGHT

Funny Literature Word

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Steven Wright Quotes