I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
PHYLLIS DILLERAlways be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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Doctors say it’s okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
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I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
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Before you get married you should meet your fiance’s parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.
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The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
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I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing.
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
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Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
PHYLLIS DILLER