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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

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Always Children Choose Home Nice One Rest

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
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Children Divorce Father Get Now Outside Remember
I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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Age Back Do Go More Than
The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.
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Down Head Kwwp Laugh Pro Real Reson See Tell
If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
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Jealous Mercy Pilead Talk
Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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Bedroom Dead Nickname Nothing Happen Sea Waterbed
When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
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Beach Come Even Go Tide
I don’t know how you feel about old age… but in my case I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
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Age Come How Feel Me Old Rear See Should
My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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Cheap Christmas Committed Eve Fre Husband Kids Santa Shot Suicide Tell
A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
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Again Happen Last Night Nothing Terrible Thing
Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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Dog Every Go Howl Near Stove Time
Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
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Always Before Down Drink Fall Friend Health
To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Apply Clean Neighbour Roaster Something
We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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Accused Constant Country Drought Fire Food Mud Swanson
I was the world’s ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads… I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said ‘Grab the blade!
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Ask Baby Folk Head Hospital Leave Mother Over Photo Sack Ugliest
I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
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Chocolate Dirt Like Serve Show
I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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Karate Look Overpower Perfume Sick

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