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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

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Always Children Choose Home Nice One Rest

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Always Before Down Drink Fall Friend Health
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Advice Away Bottle Children Follow Keep Transquilzer Work
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don’t mix. That’s why he’s never worked.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Also Career Felt Husband Marriage Mix Work
self-pity is better than none.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Better Ity None Self
Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Attack Country Dog Even Hear Ible Lisp Mail One People Person Piddle
Doctors say it’s okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
PHYLLIS DILLER

After Ambulance Attack Close Doctor Door Heart Okay Provide
We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Children Down First Month Shut Spend Talk Teah Tell Twelve Walk
My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bad Body Phase Prescription Shape Such Underwater Wear
I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Anybody Behind Doing Eighteen Iron Know Now Use Year
I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Anybody Behind Doing Eighteen Iron Know Now Use Year
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Beneath Breast Knee Law Left Mother Out Pain Trick Tuned
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Ask Country Once Out People Player Room
A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Exactly Friend Laugh Look Man Passport Photo Picture Realize
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Finish Half Hour Last Minute
Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
PHYLLIS DILLER

Chance Housework Kill Rake You
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Age Beaty Eyesight Fade Like Look Marry May Own

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