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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.

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Common Day Husband Married Only Same Thing

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Again Happen Last Night Nothing Terrible Thing
I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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Come Have May Live Onion Ought Side So Sport
All mothers are working mothers.
PHYLLIS DILLER

All Mother Working
In most states you can get a driver’s license when you’re sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
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Drive License Made Most Now Old Sense Sixteen State Year
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Before Clean Grow House Kid Shovel Snow Stop Up
Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Begin Else Everything Fal Maybe Out Spread Start True Wear
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Any Argument Bank Been Cab Country Just Robbed Three Time
Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Cook Food Lose May never Serve Taste
I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Age Back Do Go More Than
I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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Along Always Easy Only Same Tell Understand
Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Dog Every Go Howl Near Stove Time
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
PHYLLIS DILLER

Humble Keep Know Mirror
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Love Man Marry Money Nothing Tennis
Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Gold Have Health Important Jewelry Next Things
Doctors say it’s okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.
PHYLLIS DILLER

After Ambulance Attack Close Doctor Door Heart Okay Provide
When you play spin the bottle, if they don’t want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
PHYLLIS DILLER

Bottle Kiss Play Quater Spin Want

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