Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
PHYLLIS DILLEROld age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
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If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
PHYLLIS DILLER