I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
PHYLLIS DILLEROld age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
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Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
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The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.
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You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
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I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
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The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.
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The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
PHYLLIS DILLER