When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARXLearn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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Time wounds all heels.
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Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
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Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARX