The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARXLearn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX