Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARXIf you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
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Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
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Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
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Humour is reason gone mad.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
GROUCHO MARX