Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARXFrom the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX -
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
GROUCHO MARX -
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX -
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARX -
A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
GROUCHO MARX -
I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX -
She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX -
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX -
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX -
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX -
Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX