One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARXPaying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
-
-
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
GROUCHO MARX -
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX -
A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX -
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
GROUCHO MARX -
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX