The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARXPaying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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All geniuses die young.
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX






