The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARXPaying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
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Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
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Time wounds all heels.
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In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
GROUCHO MARX






