I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARXPaying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX -
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX -
All geniuses die young.
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Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX -
She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX -
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARX -
A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARX -
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
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Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX






