A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARXPaying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX -
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX -
Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
GROUCHO MARX -
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX