Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARXPaying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Why, look at me. I’ve worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
Go, and never darken my towels again.
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Time wounds all heels.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX