Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARXI was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX -
She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you’ve triumphed.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
GROUCHO MARX -
Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
GROUCHO MARX -
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX -
The only real laughter comes from despair.
GROUCHO MARX -
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX -
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX -
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
GROUCHO MARX -
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX -
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX -
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX