I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARXI was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX -
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
GROUCHO MARX -
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
GROUCHO MARX -
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX -
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX -
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARX -
Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time wounds all heels.
GROUCHO MARX -
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX -
Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX